Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
