thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
