he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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