I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
