Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
