I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
