if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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