I feel great
I just peed on a car
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
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Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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