Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
this boner is exhausting
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
