Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
