Princesses don't give blow jobs
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
