how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
