I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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