He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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