i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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