no, he came in my armpit
Say something about gay babies.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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