My sheets look like a crime scene.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
