Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
