So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
