is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
they're like a gay fantastic four
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
