just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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