Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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