I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
