first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
well you can't waste a boner
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
MIDGETS
????
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
