I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
