im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
