This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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