Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
