So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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