between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
