the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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