I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
