Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
