Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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