You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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