you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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