ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
