They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
