As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
