either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
