VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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