I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
