If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
