didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
