Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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