Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
