I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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