Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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