I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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