But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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