I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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