I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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