Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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