Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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