You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
