my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
