Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
