I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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