Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
