Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
