I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
