as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
