Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
