so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
