Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize