I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
