Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
